Soggy day alert...

So, today was my Friday off right? A couple of things thwarted my usual plans of lounging around in my jammies and robe for 8 hours by myself. Namely:

It rained.

Also, the kids were home - no school today.

I know, I probably sound whiney and selfish - cause I am. I just can't seem to get a good day alone. Sigh. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE my family - love every minute I spend with them - but sometimes it is nice to have just a few hours of QUIET! They're BOYS for crying out loud.




We did make the best of it, however.






We had some fun last night - played hold-em with my two youngest till about midnight - since they weren't going to school the next day. Yes, you read it right - I played cards with my kids till MIDNIGHT. They're 8 and 11. My 11-year old whooped on me. He kept getting these crazy hands. Today, we slept in. Later on we'll cook some kind of dead animal and chow down. We rented some movies and bought some ice cream too! Lovely day off. And yes, I am enjoying my time off WITH my family.

A "New" Modest Proposal...

Lately, I have found myself getting a little groggy just after lunch. I often sit in my Jeep, chow down and read for awhile (either my Bible or something else I'm working on). Inevitably, my head starts to nod after about 20 minutes. Sometimes I can blame the reading material (Leviticus!), but lately that hasn't been the problem.

Then I got to thinking...Hmmm.....

On my former trips to Mexico - particularly in the larger cities, I remember that just about the whole place shuts down between about 12:30 - 2pm. Our small band of short-term missionaries often took advantage of this phenomenon and found travel easier and lines much shorter at the places we would go sight-seeing. I remember one instance in particular at Chepultepec Castle in Mexico City. It had been very crowded in the Park and our local host said - let's wait a little while, then it will be easy. Sure enough - he was right! Why was everyone gone? Why was it soo deserted? Siesta Time!

Physiologically, it makes sense - we eat a meal (I admit - I usually over-eat), then the blood rushes from our extremities to our stomach to go to work on what we just ate. This causes us to relax a little - and get groggy. I didn't seem to notice it a few years ago, but now that I'm 38 - well, 38 isn't old, but I'm not 20 anymore!

My wife Beth recently read me an excerpt from an article that said in Thailand many employers encourage and allow workers to sleep with their heads on their desks for an hour after lunch. Hmm...
They say it encourages productivity.
Hmmmm....

Maybe we should try to pass a law mandating a siesta in the middle of our work-day! Think about it - perhaps productivity would increase as it appears to have done in Thailand. It could be the answer to the upcoming economic doom-and-gloom everyone is trying to forecast.

BTW: The graphic above was stolen from a website suggesting that very thing (last summer in the U.K. they actually tried it!).

Maybe we could pork-barrel it in with the next version of the war-spending bill to try and buy the hispanic vote...No?

Who's side would God be on?

So, while at work this week I came to the realization that I have a little moral dilemma.

Let me explain. I work for a pest control company. We are very good at what we do.

What do we do? We kill things.
Every winter for the past 75 years my company experiences a seasonal slow time. Every Spring - things pick up. We are waiting for the annual pick-up. In order for our company to be "successful" we hope for the annual pest invasion to occur.
Ants, mice, roaches, termites and other pests are responsible for literally BILLIONS of dollars worth of economic loss every year. We obviously derive an economic benefit from this "loss." Call it a symbiotic relationship.

So, this past week, I have found myself waiting for the phone to ring. I've been hoping more folks will call with ant problems, or mice, maybe a few roaches. Do I dare say...termites? Am I wrong for hoping business might pick up a little - even though it may mean misfortune for others?

It makes me wonder. What does God think of all this.** After all, these are His creatures we are killing. He is really the one who feeds and nurtures them, though we sometimes view them as a nuisance. He can even use them to teach us things - for example in Proverbs 6:6 "Go to the ant, you sluggard! Consider its ways and be wise..."

God can also use such humble little creatures to accomplish even bigger tasks. I remember back in the day when we (our churches) used to sing a song (definitely NOT among my personal favorites) entitled - "Blow the trumpet in Zion." Here are some of the words:

They rush on the city, they ride on the walls,
Great is the army that carries out His word!
Blow the trumpet in Zion! Sound the alarm!

People would get all excited and hyped up. Yeah! The army of the Lord is coming! Yet, when you read Joel chapter 2, the scripture underlying that song you soon find out that the army of the Lord is a locust swarm being prophesied as judgement AGAINST Israel! Now that's exciting, isn't it? God's army - carrying out His word - destroying their livelihood! Praise God!

And so, it causes me to muse - with regards to my current employment, who's side would God be on? I'd vote for the termites.

**Footnote: Seriously, were you really expecting a deep theological argument for this particular subject? C'mone, really? In the future there will surely be some serious discussion - but not today.

Here's to keeping a promise...

So, my wife and I made a solemn promise to ourselves regarding our Saturday off together. As I mentioned in an earlier post - I only get every other Saturday off. These Saturdays are a valuable commodity - and as such, shouldn't be wasted. I should also mention that for some strange reason - it got cold again. So, we made ourselves a promise.

We promised ourselves that we would sleep in and not feel guilty about it! So, that's what we did.

It just isn't fair...

It never fails that when I get a day off something goes wrong. Don't get me wrong - everyone has stuff to do, but in my case - the perfect day always happens while I'm working.



Let me explain. My work schedule is 6 on, 1 off, 4 on, 3 off. Monday thru Saturday, Monday thru Thursday. It seems that whenever I get a Friday off one of 3 things happens.

• One of my kids gets sick and I don't get the day alone to myself.


• The kids are either off of school or they have a minimum day - which means that I don't get the day alone to myself.


• The weather is just lousy enough to ruin any plans I had of having any fun (like fishing or off-roading).

Last weekend was PERRRRFECT weather for doing just such things - however, I was working. We had gorgeous weather until yesterday - then today it was blustery and cold (like mid-30's). The sky was tauntingly gray. I just didn't feel like doing anything - so I stayed inside - did laundry, read, etc... I did go to breakfast with my pastor, and I got to meet Beth for lunch. That was cool. But my beautiful day off- where did it go? I'm sure the weather will look much better next Friday and Saturday- but I will be back in the office.

In a dry and thirsty land...

We were on a long journey. Many in our party were tired and hungry. But we pressed on. We were on a mission. We had seen some interesting wildlife along the way - many carrion birds, dangerous reptiles, even large primates. Off in the distance we spotted a tiger. It was too far away for now to be any threat to us, and so we pressed on toward a more important and immediate goal. We had to find water, and fast!

Some locals directed us to what had once been a fairly reliable water source - but to no avail. It was dry. Away from the comforts of home we became painfully aware of our plight. We would normally take these most basic things for granted - but not now. The younger ones in our group were in dire straits. They were seriously fatigued, in need of shade, rest and especially water.

Just ahead, up at the crest of a small hill there appeared to be signs of life-giving water. However, it would be costly. I had no idea just how costly until....I read these signs:

$3.00 bottle!!!!! What a rip-off!

The St. Louis Zoo is a very big place. Not a bad deal either. It has free admission - and if you want to pay, there are some neat attractions - a train ride, a prehistoric simulator and lots of other stuff. However, there is one teensy fly in the ointment. They DON'T have any water fountains that work! We looked long and hard most of the day to even find a water fountain. Then, when we found it - it was turned off for the winter! The cycle repeated itself with every fountain we came across.

Water bottles are expensive - like $3- so what is a large group supposed to do? We sent two of our kids to the car of course and carried it in ourselves. Hey, any responsible safari leader would pack water in for his team don't ya think!

Aside from nearly dying of thirst before we got to the gorilla exibit we had a great time!

Nice day alert...

So, here I am working today (yes I am at work) but thought I'd take a minute or two to let the world know what a nice day it is having without me.

I am of course stuck inside - working. As I open the door I hear birdies singing. People are walking past my window even as I type this.

My son called me earlier - he's waxing his new car. Sigh.... What a nice day to be inside at work.

You know what I hate? Car shopping...

In light of our recent loss (the now world famous Geo-mobile) I thought I'd fill you in on the process of replacing her.

But first let me explain something. I absolutely loathe buying cars. Period. Why? In a word - SALESMEN! You have your three basic types.

First, there's the guy with the comb-over and checkered blazer who seems so utterly desparate to make a sale that he'll tell you whatever you want to hear. He'll follow you out to your car, and try to get your work phone number so he can bug you till you buy something. (ew!)

Next, we encountered the exact opposite - the guy who wouldn't even come to the door half the time when we popped by to test drive a car my son was really interested in. It made me think his whole car lot was just some sort of mafia front - or tax scheme or something. ZERO customer service. Did he even want to sell a car? (Double-ew!)

Finally, there was the good-smelling, slick, over-dressed Alec Baldwin-type guy who just gave us the creeps. This guy had a cheezy shiny gold watch, a shiny gold bracelet, a couple of shiny gold rings and a really nice trenchcoat over his really nice suit. (Did I mention the shiny gold diamond tie tack?) Something gave me the impresssion that this guy had no trouble asking for the sale! He may have been slightly over-paid!

The bottom line - who can you trust? No matter how good the deal is (or you think it is) you always feel like you're getting the shaft, so to speak.

So, I've learned to compensate for these sales-type guys. I become a complete jerk!

My son saw me in action. His jaw hit the floor. Here's how it goes.

Them: Hello sir - can we get you into a car today? Watcha lookin' for?
Me: When I find it, I'll tell you.

Them: Well, we have a fine assort.....
Me: I'm just looking, I'll be back if there's anything I'm interested in. Go stand over there until I need you.

Them: No problem, I'll be right over here.....just call me if you have any questions.
Me - after looking around: O.K. here's what we want - 97 or newer, less than 100k miles - under $X,000.00 - what have you got?

Them: Uh, well, uh, let me get the manager......uh..
Me: Awe, c'mon, I know it can be done? Do you want to sell a car or not?

Them: Who are you?
Me: I'm a tough customer - I know what I want, I know what can and can't be done.

Them: Yes sir - you are........(under their breath, ##@@)

And, after shopping a little bit we got what we wanted - though I still lie awake at nights wondering if I couldn't have gotten a little better deal. Hmm.

Thoughts on being manly....

So, I spent the afternoon (and a good chunk of the evening) monkeying around with plumbing. Yeah, that's right - plumbing. Well, it wasn't actually "plumbing" - it was more like "plumbing lite."

See, the idea of "plumbing" for me anyway conjures up mental images of large pipe wrenches, blowtorches and large long dirt trenches. I think of myself all sweaty, wearing a hard had and wiping the dirty sweat off my brow with a pair of leather palmed gloves. Yeah - that's man's work!

Cut to reality. Tonight, I did "plumbing lite" - We got a new fridge with an ice maker and I got to install 1/4" OD copper from the basement to our kitchen -about 8 feet worth. Problem was I couldn't get the @#$@$#$ fitting to stop leaking!!!!!!!

We took a trip to the hardware store for a soft line from the floor fitting to the fridge - and I took another trip for a couple of other neat doo-dads. If I were a "real" man I s'pose I'd know what they were. After the third (or fourth) try - it held.

Maybe we'll be able to enjoy the fruit of my manly labors as soon as the ice decides to freeze. I'm holding my breath on the fitting not leaking over nite.

Sure feels good to be a man!

Here's to political in-correctness & the age of innocence...

In case you haven't yet heard, there is currently a big flap over a recent comment Ann Coulter made during a speach at a big conservative P.A.C. fundraiser. If you haven't heard about it yet, turn on the news or look at MSNBC.com, as well as everywhere else.

Let it be known that I am one for free speech, and I'm also certainly no fan of Sen. Edwards. I personally could care less what she called him. However, I have a few problems with Ms. Coulter's remarks:

• A. Since it has been widely publicized, an ever-increasing segment of the population who normally wouldn't have been in tune to this sort of thing now believe that she is speaking on behalf of ALL us "bigoted" conservatives. (*Please see footnote)


• 2. My in-laws have now joined in on this discussion.


• 2.1 Ann Coulter was being at least dishonest while not really being all that funny (No I don't think Ann Coulter REALLY thinks the Hon. Sen. Edwards is actually fruity.)

My wife an I popped in on her dad earlier this evening just as the news came on that Ann Coulter had actually used the "F" word in reference to the aforementioned would-be Democratic presidential nominee. He then proceeded to ask the Mrs. in-law what said "F" word meant. She proceeded to look said "F" word up in the dictionary.

We were all delighted to find out that:

• A "Fagot" can be any peice of burning wood.


• It can refer to any peice or bundle of wood "intended" for burning.


• It is sometimes used in reference to a peice or bundle of iron also intended for shaping in the fire.


• It is at times used as a slang synonym for a lit cigarette.


• However - you have to add another "G" to it (in their older dictionary) in order to arrive at Ms. Coulters' intended definition.

Needless to say, my wife and I had a very entertaining few minutes bringing her parents up to speed with present day political in-correctness.

Ah, to be their age and innocent again!


Footnotes and other "addenda"

No, of course I don't think it's o.k. to call anybody a fxxxot or anything else you have to censor or substitute letters for (unless of course you know your audience, it's funny, and..... oh, nevermind, just ask Michael Richards how well that works out....) Also, please see me personally if you would like to have a serious, straightforward honest discussion about the gay lifestyle - i'd be a fool to publish my views in this type of forum - I might get creamed from both sides.

Saying "goodbye" to an old friend...

1991 - 2007

For those who know me you might remember my trusty ol' Geo-mobile. This vehicle - a silver, 1991', 4-door, 3-cylinder hatchback was "blessed" to our family through a friend back in 2000' - with just under 60k miles on it.

There was NOTHING wrong with it - except that occasionally the no. 1 spark plug would loosen up and you'd have to tighten it about once every 3 weeks.

Well, after 6+ years and 100k++++ more miles, plus 2 (- count-em') 2 clutches it was finally time to let it go.

My eldest had been driving it - it was still reliable, though it had seen better days. Then finally, our 3-cylinder hot-rod turned into a 2-cylinder lawnmower. It was toast! For the cost of fixing it, we could buy another one just like it in better condition. Alas, the end of an era.

I realize, I have nothing cutesy to say - no bit of wit or wisdom. I am still mourning the loss of my second (or third)-favorite car (my all-time favorite was a 76' pinto - a story for another time). My current favorite is my Jeep! (You'll hear more about it too!)

I'll leave you with these parting thoughts on the Geo Metro stolen from Taylor Mason, one of our favorite "clean" comedians:

• The Geo Metro - a Three cylinder Car - Three cylinders. It's the only car where you can sit in the drivers seat and touch all four windows without even trying.
• You can't even kill anybody with it - I know, I've tried. The worst you can do is give somebody a bad rash on the calf.
• I love my Geo, you stop at the gas station, put in a thimble-full, get back on the road for another 400 miles.

I'll definitely miss you, my little "Geo-mobile."